Packing up by belongings is mildy cathartic yet rather frustrating! I have, of course, more than I thought I did to fit into less space than I thought I had - wonderful!! (she said with a distinct edge of sarcasm...) However the one very interesting find was a letter that I had written but not sent to an old acquaintance. I must have been around 21 or 22. It says that I felt happiest when looking at the world as a whole, in its entirety, and that I needed to spend more time meditating and being patient.
What struck me is that I had written this before the breakdown, so even before the experience that changed my life for good I had the same ideas and the same intentions in the long run. It is possible the letter was written even before my visit to Foz Du Igazu and the peak experience.
Either way - it has taken me 7 years to get to the point of leaving. It is amazing the time it has taken to prepare for me to feel brave enough to take more active steps towards change. Am I excited - yes, am I scared - yes, do I have doubts - no.
I feel that you're on the best way to find your personal refuge not in any country or place in the world but in yourself. Have a wonderful journey, Moaki! Warm hugs from Germany
ReplyDeleteYour post really resonates with my own experience. My shift happened just over a year ago, and since that time the changes have been astounding. I was 39 when a tidal wave of suffering engulfed me. A break down. complete annihilation.
ReplyDeleteLooking back into the past I see clues as to how everything was aligning and seeking this moment. In my diaries, my way of living, even my furniture. All were pointing to what was hoping to happen, all were suggesting and striving towards.
Now the rules have changed, and a search of a different kind is underway.