Day 9: Feeling the fear and doing it anyway

The last entry (Day 5) inspired me to begin writing the book, and I've now completed the first pages. It is more raw and honest than I anticipated as it seemed right to use my personal experiences, weaving in insight, thought and research as I experienced and understand them.

As I reflected on the Day 5 entry I was reminded of the Hyde Park Live8 Concert in 2005. While in the main arena listening to the final few songs, I was feeling so happy and so elated, when this sentence came into my mind 'My role in this world is to be a guide for the global community', it repeated a few times and stuck with me to the point that I wrote it down that night in my diary. At the time I did not know what it meant, nor how it would manifest. I was also quite intimidated by the idea that I might have a role to play on a global level. After all, I am a small person and what right did I have to think that I could do a job at that level? Why me over someone else born in a different circumstance? Questions I did not have answers for..

Now I have chosen to take steps towards a life that is more natural to me, these words have begun to take on more weight. I am still not yet sure how this will manifest or what it means exactly, but the fact that I am reminded of them tells me that they have some meaning or role to play in this upcoming journey.

After getting feedback on this blog and the book, I found out that I need to do the one thing that I am the most afraid of - talk through my personal experiences.

Fear of being judged is something that has terrified me in recent years, but yet now it seems to get the best response. Its surprising how much personal strength it takes to stay firm and keep on track even in a direction of your own determination, perhaps especially so. Even though people describe me as confident, it never stops me getting scared or unsure at times but then someone will say something to me, or I'll see something that triggers a thought telling me I am heading in the right direction, or it gives me ideas of how to overcome the latest barrier. As a testament to that, many thanks to AGD for the following quote sent earlier this week:

“You are now at a crossroads. This is your opportunity to make the most important decision you will ever make. Forget your past. Who are you now? Who have you decided you really are now? Don't think about who you have been. Who are you now? Who have you decided to become? Make this decision consciously. Make it carefully. Make it powerfully.”

 Anthony Robbins 

Thanks to Susan Jeffers and her book, 'Feel the Fear and Do it Anyway' for the title!