Day 12: Reality bites and the Heart

I have been fluctuating inbetween fear or the unknown and a state of heightened senses. I know that I am making this move so that I can live happily in a way that is more natural, one where I feel more connected to what's happening to the world around me. But getting there, is like trying to clear the street of rubbish. That over the years there are all these fears, thoughts that hold me back, worries, indoctrination, expectations that clutter up the road ahead. I suppose atleast now it is a state of flux, rather than just a cluttered street.

Taking decisions and moving forward has always been the easier part, its finding the reasons and drivers to keep on the path, through the questions and doubts that gets harder. I wonder if it is easier if much of it is kept 'in the moment' where there is greater fluidity, rather than waiting when doubt creeps in.

So now, the book and the trip plans are underway. The more I focus on the path ahead, the easier it get, and again I am reminded how many people there are around me to help and support this journey. Like reading Marcus Aurelius's book Meditations, such an interesting read to think that in 160AD there was an Emperor thinking and writing about philosohpy and ethics that are still relevant today. We are not so far removed from our ancestors as we think. He discusses the idea that all humans are like one civilization, each playing a role and a function for the whole, not that we are equal but that we should respect all people in their roles. This was an interesting thought.

I have realised that when I am happy there is a sensation I get between thought and heart. At this point the thoughts in my mind are gentle and fluid, and they combine with a feeling of openess coming from my heart. It is here that I feel the most secure, that the decisions I make at this point are the best for all factors.

"No word can carry anything more potent than the intent held in the heart of who speaks it." Adrian Gilpin,

The feeling of inner security is the place where I can hear my inner voice, its the same one that berates me when I've done something stupid, or congratulates me when I have done well! It feels like it is my higher self, a version of me that has greater insight that the me that exists mostly in my body. I think that we all have two voices, one that tells us about sense, reason and logic and another that draws us to things without question, where things that are natural to you, come to the fore.


CTS Rule No 6: dont take yourself so seriously

I love the TED discussions and this is a short (25 min video) of a buddhist monk talking about the heart