Day 12: Reality bites and the Heart

I have been fluctuating inbetween fear or the unknown and a state of heightened senses. I know that I am making this move so that I can live happily in a way that is more natural, one where I feel more connected to what's happening to the world around me. But getting there, is like trying to clear the street of rubbish. That over the years there are all these fears, thoughts that hold me back, worries, indoctrination, expectations that clutter up the road ahead. I suppose atleast now it is a state of flux, rather than just a cluttered street.

Taking decisions and moving forward has always been the easier part, its finding the reasons and drivers to keep on the path, through the questions and doubts that gets harder. I wonder if it is easier if much of it is kept 'in the moment' where there is greater fluidity, rather than waiting when doubt creeps in.

So now, the book and the trip plans are underway. The more I focus on the path ahead, the easier it get, and again I am reminded how many people there are around me to help and support this journey. Like reading Marcus Aurelius's book Meditations, such an interesting read to think that in 160AD there was an Emperor thinking and writing about philosohpy and ethics that are still relevant today. We are not so far removed from our ancestors as we think. He discusses the idea that all humans are like one civilization, each playing a role and a function for the whole, not that we are equal but that we should respect all people in their roles. This was an interesting thought.

I have realised that when I am happy there is a sensation I get between thought and heart. At this point the thoughts in my mind are gentle and fluid, and they combine with a feeling of openess coming from my heart. It is here that I feel the most secure, that the decisions I make at this point are the best for all factors.

"No word can carry anything more potent than the intent held in the heart of who speaks it." Adrian Gilpin,

The feeling of inner security is the place where I can hear my inner voice, its the same one that berates me when I've done something stupid, or congratulates me when I have done well! It feels like it is my higher self, a version of me that has greater insight that the me that exists mostly in my body. I think that we all have two voices, one that tells us about sense, reason and logic and another that draws us to things without question, where things that are natural to you, come to the fore.


CTS Rule No 6: dont take yourself so seriously

I love the TED discussions and this is a short (25 min video) of a buddhist monk talking about the heart 

Day 9: Feeling the fear and doing it anyway

The last entry (Day 5) inspired me to begin writing the book, and I've now completed the first pages. It is more raw and honest than I anticipated as it seemed right to use my personal experiences, weaving in insight, thought and research as I experienced and understand them.

As I reflected on the Day 5 entry I was reminded of the Hyde Park Live8 Concert in 2005. While in the main arena listening to the final few songs, I was feeling so happy and so elated, when this sentence came into my mind 'My role in this world is to be a guide for the global community', it repeated a few times and stuck with me to the point that I wrote it down that night in my diary. At the time I did not know what it meant, nor how it would manifest. I was also quite intimidated by the idea that I might have a role to play on a global level. After all, I am a small person and what right did I have to think that I could do a job at that level? Why me over someone else born in a different circumstance? Questions I did not have answers for..

Now I have chosen to take steps towards a life that is more natural to me, these words have begun to take on more weight. I am still not yet sure how this will manifest or what it means exactly, but the fact that I am reminded of them tells me that they have some meaning or role to play in this upcoming journey.

After getting feedback on this blog and the book, I found out that I need to do the one thing that I am the most afraid of - talk through my personal experiences.

Fear of being judged is something that has terrified me in recent years, but yet now it seems to get the best response. Its surprising how much personal strength it takes to stay firm and keep on track even in a direction of your own determination, perhaps especially so. Even though people describe me as confident, it never stops me getting scared or unsure at times but then someone will say something to me, or I'll see something that triggers a thought telling me I am heading in the right direction, or it gives me ideas of how to overcome the latest barrier. As a testament to that, many thanks to AGD for the following quote sent earlier this week:

“You are now at a crossroads. This is your opportunity to make the most important decision you will ever make. Forget your past. Who are you now? Who have you decided you really are now? Don't think about who you have been. Who are you now? Who have you decided to become? Make this decision consciously. Make it carefully. Make it powerfully.”

 Anthony Robbins 

Thanks to Susan Jeffers and her book, 'Feel the Fear and Do it Anyway' for the title!

Weekend Contemplation: The Earth we live on is Sacred

After watching the 'Whale Rider' it got me thinking about the frailty of our planet and how it important it is to express love and gratitude towards this beautiful and dynamic planet we live on. As I was sitting contemplating this I saw this book on Nomadic People called Vanishing Footprints, sitting on my coffee table. I'm not quite sure who put it there but I found this beautiful and appropriate quote by an Australian Aboriginal called Anne Pattel-Gray

Only through our spiritual connection to the earth can we continue in our own identity... In our view the earth is sacred. It is a living entity in which other living entities have origin and destiny.

It seemed like such a beautiful thing to say I wanted to give it greater voice.

The picture is from National Geographic Photo of the Day

Day 5: Its all happening quite Thick and Fast

Now my journey has begun things are flowing thick and fast. I seem to be searching and finding for more and more information and articles about the change that is taking place in our hearts and minds. This summary of the Mayan 2012 calendar gives great insight into what i am thinking and feeling at the moment. She is right. We do need to be aware, consciously aware, of the change of era that is taking place. This shift of human mentality into a global consciousness or 'global brain' is vitally important to move us forward.

The funny thing about it, and not unlike the Dan Brown books, is that the knowledge has always been here tucked away in pockets of history, like from Marcus Aurelius or Sri Aurobindo or Madame Blavatsky, it has always been here sewing the seeds for the right time to come together, knowledge from all parts of the globe from all periods in history for now.

This really makes my heart sing, reading these articles is like music to my heart. It is singing as if it is knowledge it has always known, like a familiar friend or long lost lover - something putting me so at ease I feel like I can do anything and that is all right in the world :)

Feeling so inspired by my findings of the last couple of days, I'm going to seek out sources and compile where ever I find this same knowledge from all parts of the globe and from all periods of history and build it together. Lets see what happens!

Day Three: Now I'm becoming a Nomad

So the next development is me taking steps to move from each of the day to day holds of life like rent. I wasn't sure of the direction this one was going to take but thanks to an amazing offer that I am incredibly grateful for I am about to begin my life as a nomad.

This is something that I have never done before. In the 11 years I have been living on my own I have always had a place I can call home, that one base that allows me the freedom to have people to stay, cook meals, watch films and enjoy deep conversations in personal privacy and security.

Contemplating giving this up has been a trial, thinking about all the things that we hold dear such as possessions, primal security and stability. So many different thoughts in my mind, and then I am reminded of what I said when I first left the family nest... Home is wherever I am.

Connections in India are falling into place and things continue to progress at a steady rate, each day I am becoming more and more and more settled and content to this new way of life. Long may it reign.

Day One: I Quit my Job

Ooh my goodness, I've just gone and done it - Quit My Job!!

I am finally taking steps into walking a path and life style that suits me more naturally. After flip flopping over this decision for a few weeks, it happened in an informal meeting that the right time, right conversation and right decision to leave and venture for pastures new.

I am both scared and excited!!! Not so much fear of the unknown or fear of making mistakes or wrong turns but fear of the time of recovery in having made said mistake or wrong turn. Nevertheless, here I am, Day One ready to set foot into the unknown and future.


There is something inside of me that is just says there is another way of living, a different way of life that is more natural, fitting with the earths movement and that allows me to move more harmoniously.

So I now intend to kick start this process in one of the worlds spiritual centers...India :) A 6 week trip from the Southern tip through Goa and Mumbai to Bihar in the North East. I am seeking a culture shock and increased sense of spirituality to find out if my belief in living an intuitive life is possible.... Wish Me Luck!!!!