Final Day in the UK

I woke up with 'leaving on a midnight train to Georgia' in my mind, only its more of 'leaving on a 9pm flight to india'....!

Lots of people have been asking me if I'm excited and today all I have is calm. I have prepared all I can do and now all there is left to do is go. Its nice to feel that this is the first steps to the rest of my life. of course each big step we take can feel like that but this one, this time feels like the beginning of a journey that going to take me a decade or more to complete. Past my formative years in london, I've had 5 years in devon, 5 years in Bristol and 5 more years in London... I'd quite like to take a journey that lasts 15 and get some longevity under my belt!

So the suitacase is packed, sat in an empty room after all my things went into storage....

I am not expecting transformational change from my trip to India, I am only seeking courage of conviction. I know, and have known for several years, what I am interested in but it has taken me a long time to get the courage to take such a big step towards it, and I hope that if I only get one thing from India it is the courage and strength to continue. I am brave on the outside but still get shy sometimes inside :)

As the journey progresses I will begin to write more about my book, global values and ideas on gaining a sense of community in cities. Following next steps I have arranged to go and visit Damanhur in Italy after India to learn from their way of life and document it for my book. You could see it as my own version of Eat, Pray, Love!

Thank you to all of you who have supported, encouraged and inspired me this far... the only final words I would say are... Get Involved :) add comments, let me know how your journeys are panning out, difficulties, positives, tips... whatever you want to add, join me in the journey and get involed for yourself!

A Big Hug from a Warm and Calm Heart :)

Last couple of days before the flight

Packing up by belongings is mildy cathartic yet rather frustrating! I have, of course, more than I thought I did to fit into less space than I thought I had - wonderful!! (she said with a distinct edge of sarcasm...) However the one very interesting find was a letter that I had written but not sent to an old acquaintance. I must have been around 21 or 22. It says that I felt happiest when looking at the world as a whole, in its entirety, and that I needed to spend more time meditating and being patient.

What struck me is that I had written this before the breakdown, so even before the experience that changed my life for good I had the same ideas and the same intentions in the long run. It is possible the letter was written even before my visit to Foz Du Igazu and the peak experience.

Either way - it has taken me 7 years to get to the point of leaving. It is amazing the time it has taken to prepare for me to feel brave enough to take more active steps towards change. Am I excited - yes, am I scared - yes, do I have doubts - no.

Life as a writer

I've been sitting in limbo, wanting to but not fully trusting myself and my guiding thoughts, when I am calm, I know what I want to do - I know who I am and where I'm going. Then life kicks in, day to day routine as I've not yet finished this job and within a month I am feeling stuck, unsure and afraid. Amazing what an environment can do to you, how it can sap the motivational spark out of you despite all your best efforts. I'm often so drained in the evening I just want to relax, the get-up-and-go energy takes 2-3 days to kick back and and by then I'm back in the office again...

I remember being in Morocco on holiday this summer (NEA), feeling so relaxed and at ease, like anything was possible. Like all the dreams and ideas that I have can be realised, then sitting at the same desk, day in day out, quiet, albiet with good company and within no time I am withdrawn and unsure - fascinating :) Fascinating because I know its happening and yet almost powerless to stop it in that environment.

It got me thinking that whilst I trust that we, I and you, know whats good for us deep down there is still this environmental effect.Why is it that we so rarely trust in our own thoughts and are yet far quicker to believe in the thoughts and confirmation of others. Despite the personal reflections, thoughts, and determination it still isn't easy to walk my path and take those necessary steps towards walking in the path of best fit with the right components and right people.

This picture was taken by a friend of mine (CR) on a holiday to her home in Germany. On seeing it, I knew my next blog entry was complete.